Reasons Liz Lemon is not #theworst and knows best what things are

Liz Lemon, and Tina Fey, I believe have a strong grasp on things that are #theworst.

She knows it's terrible when "girls do weird stuff in bed" and knows that sex is only hot when it involves schedules and organizing in a planner.

"Do you need sex advice? Here's a tip. Sometimes a lady likes to leave her blazer on."

So without further ado, the wisdom of my leading lady, Liz Lemon.




"Now I'm heading home for a nooner, which is what I call having pancakes for lunch."

"If you're ordering me an edible arrangement to say thanks, I'd prefer a meat one."

"This better be important Jack, I was in the middle of buying a bag of bras on eBay.”

"Did you really think I wouldn't recognize my college futon, with its trademark absence of sex stains?"

"Why are my arms so weak? It's like I did that pushup last year for nothing!"

"If I have learned anything from my SIMS family: When a child doesn't see his father enough he starts to jump up and down, then his mood level will drop until he pees himself."

"You can do some serious subway flirting before you realize the guy is homeless."

"There ain't no party like a Liz Lemon party 'cause a Liz Lemon party is mandatory!"

"God, three weddings in one day, I'm going to be in Spanx for 12 hours. My elastic line is gonna get infected again."

"Trying on jeans is my favorite thing. Maybe later I can get a pap smear from an old male doctor."

"Who hasn't made mistakes? I once french kissed a dog at a party to try to impress what turned out to be a very tall 12 year old."



"I don't have any money if that's what you're after. And I'm not one of those girls that does weird stuff in bed because they think they have to. If you're a gay guy looking for a beard, I don't do that anymore. And if you're trying to harvest my organs and sell them, I have an uncle who's a cop so don't even try it."

"If reality TV has taught us anything, it's that you can't keep people with no shame down."

"One time I laughed at a blind guy eating spaghetti! Sometimes I pee in the shower if I'm really tired! I saw my grandparents making love once and I didn't leave right away!"

"No, I'm going to tell Drew that I'm having a little welcome to the building party for him but there is no party and then when he shows up I'll laugh and say 'oh it's the wrong night' and then he'll laugh and say one glass couldn't hurt and then I'll put my mouth on his mouth."

“Are you sure? Cause I took one of those “Which Gossip Girl are you?” quizzes, and it said I was the dad’s guitar."

“For instance, Jack taught me not to wear tan slacks with a tan turtleneck. I thought it looked nice, but he, rightly, pointed out that it made me look like a giant condom.”

“Okay, fine, maybe I’m a little old-fashioned. I’m sorry I’m a real woman and not some over-sexed New York nympho like those sluts on Everybody Loves Raymond.”

And, my all time favourite:

“You know what Mr. Bag? I will have a nice day! I”m gonna hang you in my kitchen! And fill you with other bags! YOU WILL EAT YOUR FAMILY!"

Lemon – OUT! Shut it down.