So these are my favourite Mindy lines - Both from Mindy Kaling and Mindy Lahiri... and maybe a little Kelly.
Mindy Kaling: Quotes from Is everyone hanging out without me (and other concerns)
“I'm the kind of person who would rather get my hopes up really high and watch them get dashed to pieces than wisely keep my expectations at bay and hope they are exceeded. This quality has made me a needy and theatrical friend, but has given me a spectacularly dramatic emotional life.”
“Nothing gives you confidence like being a member of a small, weirdly specific, hard-to-find demographic.”
“This book will take you two days to read. Did you even see the cover? It’s mostly pink. If you’re reading this book every night for months, something is not right.”
“The Internet also makes it extraordinarily difficult for me to focus. One small break to look up exactly how almond milk is made, and four hours later I'm reading about the Donner Party and texting all my friends: DID YOU GUYS KNOW ABOUT THE DONNER PARTY AND HOW MESSED UP THAT WAS? TEXT ME BACK SO WE CAN TALK ABOUT IT!”
“I simply regard romantic comedies as a subgenre of sci-fi, in which the world created therein has different rules than my regular human world. Then I just lap it up.”
Mindy Lahiri: Quotes from The Mindy Project
"Do you know when I die, in my will, I leave all of my money to Tina Fey?"
"You are not Mindy, you’re a warrior, and your warrior name is… Beyonce Pad Thai."
"This house, not equipped for kids alright? I eat cereal out of wine glasses."
"Rapping is a hobby. Do you think I would just throw my life away simply because I’m good at naming celebrity couples?"
"Oh my god did my tuition check bounce? Sometimes they don’t take those Hunger Games checks seriously, but I get such good Mockingjay points."
"I hate when people say old school when all they mean is inefficient and rude."
"I am at this point in my life where I can’t just do what I want to do. I have to do things that really move my life forward like spinning, do you guys know what that is?"
"Lauren, please do not give me printouts from Web MD. It’s like bringing a recipe to a restaurant and saying, ‘Here, cook this.’"
"I hate it when people say “girl crush.” No one’s going to think you’re a lesbian if you just say 'crush'.”
"People seem to be having these awesome sex lives and I’m just trying to find a life partner to go apple-picking with. What’s wrong with me?"
"My plan was to marry rich, and then stop working. Or to marry old and then, when the guy died, inherit all his money. But old guys think I have sass-mouth."
"Condom etiquette. It's hard for women, you know? Because you want to have condoms, but you can't keep them by the bed, because then it seems like you're, like, using them constantly ... So, then you have to do that whole dance like, 'Oh, hey, I might have some somewhere from that bachelorette party I had as a goof!’"
"To show my gratitude for this kindness, we can choose any city of the Real Housewives to watch."
Danny: "Fine. Miami."
"Why do you have a mannequin head and Bossypants in here?"
Morgan: I wated to see how Tina Fey could juggle it all.
Ok, just for good measure, a few Kelly Kapoor quotes from The Office.
"I can't get anything lately unless I threaten to kill myself."
"There is no way it is fine. If I were you, I would just freak out and get really drunk and tell someone I was pregnant."
"This girl was really rude to me at the mall, so I created a fake IM account from a hot guy at her high school, and now I'm trying to make her anorexic."
"I swallowed a tapeworm last night. It's going to grow up to three feet inside of me and then it eats all my food so that I don't get fat. And then after three months I take some medicine and then I pass it. Creed sold it to me. It's from Mexico."
"Who am I? I'm Kelly Kapoor, the business bitch."
"I don't talk trash, I talk smack. They're totally different. Trash talk is hypothetical, like: Your mom is so fat she could eat the Internet. But smack talk is happening right now. Like: You're ugly and I know it for a fact 'cause I got the evidence right here."