Why I love language, also aka as Why you should see the movie "Pontypool"

So there is a great horror movie called "Pontypool". To be more precise, it's about 2/3 of a great movie, and then it sort of trails off because it can't follow its own first two acts, but so be it. I enjoyed it thoroughly, and to show you why, and as evidence as to why I think you should see it, I present this to you. It is the opening monologue, as transcribed by me, delivered by fictional radio host Grant Mazzie over the opening credits. Enjoy.

"Mrs. French’s cat is missing. The signs are posted all over town. Have you seen Honey? We’ve all seen the posters, but nobody has seen Honey the cat. Nobody, until last Thursday morning when Ms. Collette Piscine swerved her car to miss Honey the cat as she drove across a bridge. Well, this bridge, now slightly damaged, is a bit of a local treasure, and even has its own fancy name: Pont de Flaque. Now, Collette: that sounds like culotte, that’s panty in French. And Piscine means pool: panty pool. Flaque also means pool in French so, Collette Piscine (in French, panty pool) drives over the Pont de Flaque (the pont de pool, if you will) to avoid hitting Mrs. French’s cat, that has been missing in Pontypool.

Pontypool.

Pontypool.

Panty pool.

Pont de Flaque.

What does it mean? Well, Norman Mailer, he had an interesting theory that he used to explain the strange coincidences in the aftermath of the JFK assassination: in the wake of huge events, after them and before them, physical details they spasm for a moment, they sort of unlock and when they come back into focus they suddenly coincide in a weird way. Street names and birth dates and middle names, all kind of superfluous things appear related to each other. It’s a ripple effect. So, what does it mean?

It means something is going to happen. Something big. But then, something’s always about to happen."

Would you like a Fresca?

Look. I love this show. The first season was incredible. But what the hell?

I know the show is based on some books, which I have not read, and so they are probably following the same path. But, wasn't it better when they were still in the swampland? Isn't this whole christian army thing pretty lame? Would Bill really be such a huge pussy regarding Sookie?

I'm sorry, but I've decided. I am no longer a fan of this show.

I know not what path others make take, but as for me, give me a sound Merlot's or give me death.

I will continue to watch, when time allows. And for serious, I will rewatch season one often. But, True Blood. You are dead to me.

I know characters change, I know settings change. But I just think what started out with promise has ended in ridiculous nonsense.

And I'm saying this about a show in which vampires exist. I recognize the irony.

Still. What the fuck is the deal with the pig?

Walter Cronkite and Children of Men

I never really appreciated either. To be fair (to me) I only knew Cronkite as a joke, the example of an old, weathered newsman. Of course he garnered mock status because he was the last one. The joke wasn't on him, it was on us, watching CNN.

I've watched the clip of him announcing JFK's death before. I can't remember why, probably a mindless youtube search after 9/11. He gets the news while he's on camera, and he reacts. Like a human being. When was the last time you saw a talking head announce something that it was clear they were thinking about?

I titled this blog "Everything is the Worst". At times like this I mean it.

I've said many times before that I see "Children of Men" as a utopian fantasy. In some ways I do, because I am a hater of children. Not so much children, but the idea of them. But I was watching it when I heard about Cronkite, and thinking how rare it is that we get to see great films and true news. I'm sure there is more there to discuss, but I don't feel like it.

You always hear that young people get their news from the Daily Show. I don't get my news there, but I do watch and respect it, and up to now that seemed reasonable. But when you watch Cronkite, and you see what news used to be, the idea of watching the Daily Show as a serious commentary, which I am guilty of, just seems sad and weird.

Sorry for the downer post. But you know. Everything is the worst.

The most terrifying image in existence.

I can not look away. I am not the sort of person who is compelled to look at accidents, or couples fighting in a restaurant, or my work. But this photograph is entrancing. Ensorceling, even.

I mean, what the hell? Looks to be from WWI. I’d have to do some research into the type of gas masks they’re wearing to make sure, but I don’t want to, because I am terrified of finding out.

Every time I look at it I see something new and blood chilling.

The two little kids in the lower left, with the wooden machine gun.

The guy in front, slightly right of center, in the uniform.

The other guy, in the jump suit.

And that little kid in the very front, knock-kneed, gas mask tilted just slightly as if to say, “I know what you did”.

Maybe it is just that episode of Doctor Who when they go back to WWII and meet Harkness, and those nanobots are infecting everyone and causing them to grow gas masks ON THEIR FACES.

And yet, what is with those flags? Why are they just black? No images at all? Who do they follow?

But for some reason what is probably most terrifying to me, other than this photos very existence, is the guy on the right, about 4 rows back, at the edge of the crowd. Just one guy, standing their, in uniform, looking directly at me.

And that little boy playing the drum!

I would like to forget about this, but I have made it my wallpaper at work. And I have two monitors, so there are two evil armies of masked children invading my every waking moment.

Won’t you come play with them?

My Television Viewing Habits

That is a misleading title, because I do not have a TV. Or rather I do, but it is next to the love seat under a pile of winter clothes, and I have no reason to believe it is still functional. I don't have cable but I do have cable internet, which never struck me as weird until right now so let's just move on. But I live in a basement, which has the effect of blocking both harmful CIA broadcasts and helpful NBC broadcasts alike, so rabbit ears are out. Also, living underground helps me understand Subterranean Homesick Blues at a much deeper level. 20 years'a schoolin' and they put ya on the day shift indeed! Though I still don't get Subterranean Homesick Alien. That shit is fucked up.

So what am I watching now, you ask? Good question, I like it when you show interest via my own narcisstic need for you to show interest, so:

Just recently wrapped up watching almost all of Star Trek: The Next Generation. Next year I plan on celebrating Captain Picard day, if the internet reminds me.

Moved on to Deep Space Nine. I never really liked the show when it was on, but it's growing on me.

True Blood. Soooooookie!

Oh, and now Nurse Jackie, although I've missed a few episodes. Making a note of that right now.

K, so those are the things I am make a concerted effort to watch NOW, but there is a huge collection of stuff I will watch anytime I feel like it. These things would include:

Farscape
Doctor Who
Torchwood
The Office
Buffy
Angel
Supernatural
Fawlty Towers
The Simpsons
Family Guy
American Dad
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

There are more, but these are just some of the things I could watch over and over again. Except when Buffy's mom dies or when Donna Noble has to forget everything about the Doctor. Just too fucking much for me to deal with.

I also very much enjoy anything with Gordon Ramsay. As, a detective show called Life. Look it up.

That is all. No point at all to this post, except to confirm to you that I am still alive and watch way too much TV, which you already knew. The second part, I mean. The first part as always could go either way.

ugh

So, the new kitten. He is extremely skittish. And this morning I was taking the trash out the back door, and accidentally I cornered Bean. He always goes for something to hide under, but in this case nothing was about. So he zigged, and he zagged, and he zigged, and then darted toward the front of the apartment.

I watched this and yucked it up. Then, turning toward the door I had slightly opened and not paying attention, I ran my skull directly into the HEAVY BACK DOOR. Recoiling from this disaster resulted in ramming my head into a low hanging pipe.

Nice, karma. Well played indeed. Bitch.

New Plan to Destroy All Hipsters

1. Belle and Sebastian headline Central Park (Iron and Wine to open)
2. (classified)
3. Cloverfield 2